Ricky Williams reveals the emotional 'bankruptcy' caused by his football career... and how marijuana was the 'trigger' for him to step away from NFL

When Ricky Williams fractured his ankle during his sophomore NFL play pinch nan Saints, it wasn't conscionable his bones that had been broken.

His belief successful a pro profession had faltered too. 

'I didn't spot it anymore,' he tells Mail Sport now.   

After a legendary assemblage profession astatine Texas, wherever he won nan 1998 Heisman Trophy earlier being selected 5th wide to nan pros, Williams' 'luck ran out' successful nan pros erstwhile it comes to his body, arsenic he puts it today.

His first preseason for a struggling New Orleans squad began pinch him suffering a precocious ankle sprain, which hampered his rookie twelvemonth earlier nan aforementioned break successful November 2000 costs him retired nan remainder of that 2nd season.

So it didn't matter that he was nan NFC's starring rusher erstwhile he went down that time. Something had permanently shifted successful his mindset.  

'That's why I started having nan realization of, I can't spot this profession and this occupation to bring maine nan fulfillment that it had been bringing maine up until this point,' he said successful an exclusive interview. 'I request to find thing else.

'We deliberation of ourselves arsenic nan warriors connected nan field, but from a larger perspective, we're much for illustration dice connected a craps table.'

In a wide-ranging conversation, Williams opened up astir his gradual disillusionment pinch shot - and really marijuana was nan catalyst for his travel of self-discovery.  

Williams, now 47 and grey, wasn't ever truthful cynical astir nan crippled of football, which he yet retired from (for good) successful 2011.

It was a much-needed distraction erstwhile he was younger. His parents divided erstwhile he was six, he dealt pinch anger issues, and his begetter became a registered activity offender - pinch ESPN's 30 for 30 movie 'Run Ricky Run' later revealing that Williams been forced to return nude photos of his father. 

'Life was benignant of difficult, but nan 1 reprieve... I could tally and I loved to hit,' Williams says now of his younker shot days. 'And truthful it was for illustration my safe place.'

That continued passim his puerility and to nan assemblage ranks earlier he started questioning his way successful nan pros.

Williams talks now astir a conception called 'identity foreclosure,' and nan measurement he was conditioned to play shot from a young age.

In essence, he explains, nan thought refers to nan enactment of focusing each of one's power towards thriving successful a circumstantial field, conscionable for illustration a budding character whitethorn do arsenic a kid star.

Some group spell connected to person nan careers they ever dreamed of. Others, for illustration Williams, recognize their dreams aren't what they wanted aft all.

'It became painfully evident that, no, nan money is great, but everything other astir this occupation [playing football] benignant of sucks for me,' Williams said.

'If I wasn't playing football, I was reasoning astir it and imagining myself doing it. And I deliberation that's why I was truthful good... But what I paid to beryllium bully astatine shot created bankruptcy successful a batch of much important places that I needed for a successful and fulfilling life.'

Williams sewage to that constituent yet - ironically, pinch nan thief of nan very point that made him a achromatic sheep to galore successful nan NFL.

On complete 500 occasions, arsenic Williams would later tell Sports Illustrated, he was supplier tested by nan NFL.

He grounded astatine slightest 5 of those for marijuana use, pinch a 3rd grounded trial - which would person travel pinch a four-game suspension - coming correct earlier he decided to measurement distant from nan crippled successful 2004.

'People will make nan presumption that I wanted to support playing shot and that I couldn't because I sewage suspended,' he says now.

In fact, arsenic Williams clarified astatine nan time, he was fresh to beryllium done playing, and frankincense didn't mind failing a supplier test.

After 5 years successful nan pros and nan gradual realization that he needed to embark connected a travel of self-discovery, he credits marijuana arsenic being nan 'trigger' to taking nan plunge retired of nan NFL.

Sitting retired nan full 2004 season, Williams studied nan ancient Indian aesculapian strategy known arsenic Ayurveda, spent clip astatine a yoga ashram astatine California and moreover ventured to a 'hippie jungle paradise' successful Australia, arsenic 1 Esquire reporter who recovered him recalled.

Williams yet returned to nan Dolphins successful 2005, but he came backmost pinch a overmuch different perspective.

'Before, each I could spot was nan extremity of my shot career,' he says. 'I couldn't spot thing beyond it, because I didn't person immoderate skills. I didn't person immoderate skills, aliases really life experiences that could return maine anywhere, acold distant from football, and that bothered me. Football is simply a awesome sport, but I didn't want to beryllium doing it my full life. 

'So nan twelvemonth off, I sewage a chance to interact pinch group who had nary thought I was a master shot player,' he continued. 'So nan reflections I sewage backmost from different group were much useful successful helping maine fig retired who I americium and what's important to me. And truthful erstwhile I came back, I had a overmuch greater consciousness of who I was and wherever I was heading.

'...Before I retired that first time, it was astir everything I had to do to myself to make myself fresh successful nan shot world. And erstwhile I came back, it was much about, really tin nan shot world thief and support nan things that I would for illustration to do successful my life? And that displacement was was really important for maine to make.'

While nan moving backmost would besides beryllium suspended for nan entire 2006 play aft violating nan league's substance-abuse rules for a 4th time, his return to nan gridiron helped group successful mobility nan benignant of life imagination he was aiming to establish.

Williams ne'er saw himself arsenic an 'advocate' for marijuana usage while he was an progressive player.

But he surely reaped nan benefits, arsenic he played different 5 seasons aft his first status and proved his earlier detour wasn't nan extremity of his clip arsenic an elite athlete.

'If you're successful nan NFL, you cognize your life is much aggravated than 99% of nan different group successful nan world,' he said.

'So there's conscionable much there's conscionable much stress, much things to woody with. And what I realized is, if you're going to put yourself done intensive, stressful situations, past nan measurement that you relax and retrieve has to beryllium conscionable arsenic intense.' 

It wasn't until aft his 2nd and last status that Williams really started to see nan bigger image of his marijuana use.

He first said astatine a marijuana convention successful 2015, and remembers getting a beardown reception from group afterwards, who'd told him that he inspired them.

'My mom ever utilized to say, 'go wherever you're celebrated, not wherever you're tolerated,'' he says. 'And I realized that location are group that person been touched by my story... and that's erstwhile I sewage connected occurrence to opportunity I request to put thing retired there.'

Remembering nan 'zero support' that he was capable to find during his NFL subject troubles, Williams decided to motorboat cannabis and manner marque Highsman successful 2021. 

The brand's website says it intends to 'redefine wellness, and that their ngo is 'a activity of acceptance, understanding, and pushing boundaries.'

Williams besides spent clip connected Capitol Hill this outpouring alongside erstwhile Bears Super Bowl victor Jim McMahon pushing for looser cannabis regulations.

Like galore ex-players, Williams did springiness backmost to nan crippled arsenic he held a broadcasting gig connected ESPN's Texas-centric Longhorn Network and spent 2 years arsenic a assemblage coach.

But he knew he was meant to do thing extracurricular of football. 

'It still wasn't enough,' he said. 'And I felt for illustration I needed to do something, and particularly considering really overmuch problem and I sewage into nan NFL astir cannabis.'

Today, possibly successful mini portion owed to Williams, opinions astir marijuana person changed successful competitory football.

By nan estimation of Chiefs prima Travis Kelce, anyplace from 50 to 80 percent of nan convention uses nan drug, arsenic he told Vanity Fair. 

The effects person been felt astatine nan assemblage level too, pinch nan NCAA removing marijuana from its banned substances database successful June.

'I deliberation it's wonderful,' Williams said of nan decision. '...I deliberation it's a awesome gesture, right?'

Twenty years aft a disenchanted Williams near nan NFL for nan first time, he's recovered contentment successful his life. He views his winding travel not arsenic 1 of missed opportunities aliases regrets, but of exploration.

'For me, it's really a affirmative story. I've seen truthful galore group person what group would telephone successful careers successful nan NFL, and now they're not doing thing and they're miserable,' he said.

'Everything I went through, each nan problem I sewage into, I still sewage into College Football Hall of Fame, still sewage a statue astatine Texas, they still named nan section aft me. So showing people, if you instrumentality to your guns and spot who you are, everything will activity retired fine.'