Former nurse who got addicted to heroin and meth WHILE working in a hospital opens up about how his drug abuse blew apart his medical career - and saw him spiral into shocking descent that ended in PRISON

A erstwhile caregiver who sewage addicted to heroin and meth while moving successful a infirmary has opened up astir really his supplier maltreatment blew isolated his aesculapian profession - and saw him spiral into shocking descent that ended pinch him being sent to prison.

The ex trauma nurse, named Brian, from California, who is still presently serving retired his condemnation connected location arrest, precocious said retired astir his harrowing travel successful a bid of videos shared to his YouTube channel. 

Brian collapsed down successful tears arsenic he opened up astir really he would secretly bargain medicine and needles to substance his rampant supplier addiction while moving arsenic an RN successful nan ICU.

For years, he said he lived a double life, coming to activity and helping patients get better, arsenic he himself plunged into a downward spiral that he kept hidden from everyone astir him.

Eventually, his addictions were brought to nan aboveground aft he grounded a supplier trial astatine activity and his woman noticed he had marks each complete his arms from nan needles - and he was forced to spell to rehab.

But aft spending 3 months astatine a betterment center, he quickly relapsed and his life continued to autumn apart.

His woman yet near him, taking astir of their shared belongings arsenic good arsenic their home, leaving him jobless and surviving retired of an RV while trading narcotics to make ends meet.

The once-respected aesculapian master was yet arrested for trading narcotics and sentenced to 3 to 10 years down bars.

Now sober, Brian said successful item astir what he went done successful nan hopes of helping others who whitethorn beryllium struggling pinch supplier addiction. 

'Anyone from immoderate inheritance tin find themselves stuck successful addictive loops that tin go very destructive and life-deranging and this includes aesculapian unit for illustration your nurses and doctors - I tin attest to that because I americium 1 of those nurses,' he began successful 1 of his YouTube videos.

Brian explained that he 'tried narcotics successful precocious schoolhouse and immediately' enjoyed nan feeling, and he theorized that he was 'self medicine his ain psychological problems.'

While astatine first, he 'took a liking to opiates,' he said everything changed aft he discovered a supplier called kratom.

According to nan National Institute of Drug Abuse, kratom is 'an herbal constituent that tin nutrient opioid- and stimulant-like effects.' It is ineligible successful astir parts of nan US.

'From nan time that I discovered kranum I started taking it regularly each nan time,' Brian continued. 

'I preferred different opiates much but this 1 was ever disposable and ineligible and truthful I was capable to beryllium a functioning addict connected that for years.'

By nan clip he started nursing school, he said he was 'fully dependent' connected nan drug. 

'I was a full-on addictive messiness already earlier I moreover started nursing,' he admitted. 

Even so, he sewage his licence and was hired arsenic a trauma RN successful nan ICU - but his 'addiction' only 'escalated.'

'It wasn't really because of access to meds arsenic you mightiness expect it was really much that I had entree to IV equipment,' he shared. 

'Using needles isn't something I astir apt would person ever done connected my ain but since I had become comfortable pinch it arsenic a caregiver - starting IVs connected patients, understanding how they worked, knowing really to do it properly and professionally and safely - I wasn't acrophobic to put needles in myself astatine that point. 

'And it was really easy to person entree to each nan IV supplies and needle supplies I wanted arsenic a nurse. I would take extra needles home. 

'I besides took meds from hospitals erstwhile I could but location are a lot of checks successful spot to forestall nan unit from stealing medications, particularly medications that are person imaginable for abuse, truthful my entree to those were pretty limited. 

'I would get distant pinch it erstwhile I could, I'm not proud of this obviously, I'm truthful ashamed of this.'

Brian said he started utilizing heroine and meth regularly, each while 'hiding it' from his wife, whose sanction he did not stock for privateness reasons.

He tried aggregate times to get cleanable 'for her,' alternatively than focusing connected getting amended for himself, thing he now thinks was 1 of his awesome problems. 

'Nobody wants to beryllium go an addict of immoderate benignant - peculiarly a heroin and meth addict - but my superior information astatine nan clip was, I wanted to [stop] for her,' he said.

'This is thing that I deliberation a batch of addicts tin really subordinate to, we don't want to beryllium sick ourselves but we consciousness truthful blameworthy for what we person done to nan group astir america that our small heart isn't to get amended for us, nan small heart is to get amended for nan group we emotion and nan group astir america because of what we put them through. 

'My superior information was really to beryllium amended for her. I wanted to beryllium to her that I could beryllium nan feline that deserved her.' 

While things were going good for a while successful 2018, he said each of that changed successful early 2019 erstwhile his woman was forced to move to her location metropolis of Tahoe, California, to return attraction of her ailing father.

'What I did aft she near was, that very nighttime I went down into municipality and sewage immoderate heroin and brought it backmost to nan flat and used,' he recalled. 

'The point that I was placing my information for alteration successful had conscionable near and wasn't going to beryllium astir for a while truthful [I thought], "This is an opportunity to get high."'

Brian said aft his statement ended astatine activity he moved to Tahoe to beryllium pinch her, wherever he applied for a section nursing job.

But during nan onboarding process he was asked to taxable a hairsbreadth sample for supplier testing.

Panicked, he ordered a shampoo disconnected nan net that's 'supposed to lavation nan narcotics retired of your hair.' But unfortunately, he grounded nan test.

'At this constituent was wholly successful denial astir nan business and I responded pinch anger and vexation alternatively of immoderate benignant of acceptance aliases self-reflection,' he dished. 

Brian admitted that he lied to his woman astir why he didn't get nan occupation - but a fewer weeks later, his fib was exposed erstwhile she discovered a missive successful nan message that said he had been 'reported to the board of nursing for failing a drug test and that he was nether investigation.'

'While this investigation was going connected my license would beryllium unaffected. So what I decided to do was get a different nursing job,' he continued.

'I ended up getting a three-month statement astatine a spot retired of town astir halfway betwixt Tahoe and San Francisco. 

'As soon arsenic as I started going down location for these assignments I started getting precocious regularly again.

'I'm successful a business wherever my nursing licence is astatine liking and my wife's dada is astir to dice and and nary of that computed.'

Unfortunately, his wife's begetter passed distant a fewer weeks later, and erstwhile she asked him to effort connected 1 of his shirts successful nan days aft his death, she noticed nan 'needle tracks' connected his limb and decided to shape an intervention.

'I took my garment disconnected and she could spot everything and I deliberation that was nan astir horrible infinitesimal of my life,' admitted Brian.

'Not because of what had happened to me, not because she had discovered what I was doing but watching her break aft everything that had happened [with her dad]... Just watching her autumn isolated was horrible man it was conscionable horrible.' 

His woman yet reached retired to immoderate of Brian's friends, and they confronted him and told him he had to spell to rehab. 

He was location for 3 months, but six months aft he vanished treatment, he relapsed. 

'At that constituent I conscionable didn't really attraction anymore. I was getting divided and I was giving nan location to my ex and and each of my things to my ex,' he said of that clip of his life.

'I stopped nursing and I conscionable ended up successful this camper van doing heroin and meth each nan time. I did that for astir a twelvemonth and past started trading narcotics to support my habit.'

He was forced to extremity aft he was caught trading narcotics and sewage arrested. He said his turning constituent came soon aft he started his sentence, pinch him explaining successful 1 of his YouTube videos that he abruptly had a 'mental shift' aft realizing he was 'all unsocial successful prison.'

'There was cipher to effort to return attraction of successful my life isolated from maine - that's erstwhile it yet clicked,' he said. 

He is now sober and has served 3 years, and was precocious allowed to proceed his condemnation connected location arrest. In six months, he will beryllium eligible for parole.

While reflecting connected his journey, he said he felt 'so overmuch shame and self-loathing' astir really he 'handled his responsibilities arsenic a aesculapian professional.'  But he hopes that being truthful unfastened astir it will thief others.

'It's never anyone's volition to get stuck in addiction,' he added. 'How is it imaginable that we can get truthful wrapped up successful these things and suffer show of everything other that's going connected successful our lives sloppy of the consequences?

'This communicative is sad it's traumatic and not because of nan things that happened to me but because of what I put my family through.

'My dream in telling this communicative is that it mightiness be helpful to anyone who is struggling with addiction aliases has struggled with addiction [in nan past] aliases has personification successful their life who is addicted.

'If you're progressive pinch personification who is wrapped up successful addiction, I dream it might just beryllium adjuvant to perceive this perspective because nary matter really crazy it seems aliases how selfish it seems, it's not their plan to beryllium for illustration that.'

Brian insisted that contempt 'still being incarcerated,' this feels for illustration 'the champion clip of his life' because it's nan first clip he's been sober successful truthful long.

'I conscionable want this to serve arsenic a message,' he concluded. 'If you're going done it aliases if you know people that are going done it, it's imaginable - nary matter really bad it is - to get to a measurement amended spot and experience life successful a measurement that's acold superior than you've ever knowledgeable before.'